Lately I've been beginning the talks with silent interaction, which is the deepest form of teaching. One way or another, it's a mirror. A mirror of emptiness, or a mirror of struggle. Comfortable or uncomfortable.

How do we relate to the uncomfortable? Or to the comfortable? Usually we relate to the comfortable—or the ego relates to the comfortable—as "I want more"; "I want more pleasure." And that's ok! What's wrong with wanting more pleasure? That's human nature. That's built into the hardwiring of our bodymind structure. And obviously we don't want struggle, we don't want discomfort; and that's why we seek. That's why we seek freedom, or the potential for freedom, from suffering. Suffering's kind of a bummer! We try all kinds of ways to avoid it, and we have many ways we can avoid it. We're endlessly creative in that way. But ultimately we realize that we can't avoid this anymore. It doesn't work! But we'll keep trying. There's gotta be a way out of this. Right? So we try, and try, and try.

This is a very old subject, actually. It's been around for centuries, at least in the literature. In Zen, for instance, there are all these stories about the student saying to the teacher, "if we're already enlightened, if there's no attainment, then why are we meditating? Why are we practicing?" And even today that's an issue. I don't know if you're familiar with that subject. It's actually an important area to look at. It's very easy to get confused on this one. If what we are fundamentally is already liberated, already free, then what is this practice thing? What is this meditation thing about? Right? You may already know the answer to this; if so, bear with me.

Ultimately there is no practice, really. It's more accurate to say that there's acceptance of what is, which is the absence of struggle with what is. Certainly by sitting still for a period of time—so-called meditation—we become aware of the difference between allowing what is and trying to change what is, and that's a shift in attention. When we allow what is, openness naturally happens. The letting go of the defense called ego naturally occurs. That's all ego is, really, a defense. It's protection, it's a survival mechanism. It's not a problem, really. More or less not a problem, that is. Like the body, more or less not a problem—for some people it's more of a problem, for others less. We deal with all kinds of body challenges, some of us more than others. Same with emotional challenges or mental challenges: more or less.

So accepting, being available for what is, is really what meditation is. It's not a doing. It's not that you're improving yourself. It's more that you're allowing being. And in that allowing, one recognizes the truth at some point, the already-completeness of what we are. And we may experience that as just a moment of peace, of tremendous peace or love, unconditional love or connection, oneness with everything. Maybe it's a fleeting experience, very quick; or maybe it lingers, and we settle in to suchness. And then maybe we move back into the contraction, we have this sort of back-and-forth.

There's a physics to it, actually, just like there's a physics to all the laws of nature. There's a physics to liberation. So we're all little scientists and explorers in the unknown, and we have the laboratory of our experience to be a mirror for us. And this environment can be a very highly polished mirror for recognizing the truth, which is unnamable, unspeakable. It's the silent, a truth that we are already, but that we are paradoxically longing for.

But liberation is bringing consciousness back to itself, that's what it does. And acceptance is really allowing that to happen. That's what acceptance really is: allowing consciousness to return to the source of its being. And often it's a terrifying experience; it can be pretty scary. It can bring up fear, because it's like letting go and falling, losing control. That kind of letting go can feel very threatening. It's not threatening, actually, it's very freeing; but initially it can be scary, particularly if we've got a tight grip.

So gently we learn to be with the fear of losing control, and gradually we become comfortable with expansion, with losing a sense of me and you, where there's just oneness.

We want to make it very complicated, of course. Our minds love complicating things, they love having elaborate explanations. In fact that's what the mind does; it likes to explain things, organize things, understand things. So it's a little difficult for the mind, particularly since letting go only happens in the realm of not understanding. It's counter-instinctual to let go. Because holding on is instinctual, surviving is instinctual. And letting go isn't.

So mentally, it's just recognizing and allowing not knowing. That's harder; that may be the hardest part of so-called spiritual practice. People say, how can I trust? Actually I, the ego, cannot. It's actually against the ego's nature to trust. Because trust really, in the way I mean it, is not-knowing. It's being liberated that is the essence of trust; it's not an ego experience. Egos can't trust; they have too much to lose. They have to defend. Talking about this is a little tricky.

Trust is what we naturally are. It's the absence of ego. It's love, it's the one heart; it's the big heart. It's not a psychological attitude; it's flying, soaring in infinite freefall. That's what I mean by trust. So there's this willingness to sit in silence and be available for this mirror. This mirror of whatever: one's discontent, one's anxiety, one's truth, whatever. It doesn't matter! It's not like, "oh this is good tonight, I was groovin' in the light!" Or, "this is a crummy night, I couldn't sit still and my mind was all over the place." It's just whatever, you know? Of course we can certainly say, "I like that, I don't like that", or "I'd rather be at peace than at war."

So the question, then, is can you be with what is right now? “Right now” meaning not only this moment, but any moment, anytime, anywhere. Can you be here for what's given, can you receive what's given in this moment? Or are you resisting what's given right now? Are you against it, are you moving away from it? Or are you trying to grab onto it? Or is there just...allowing it? Pretty easy, right? That isn't a really complicated set of choices. Am I against it, am I moving away from it? Am I grabbing onto it? Or am I allowing it? This should be fairly easy to notice, shouldn't it? No? Yeah, maybe not!

If one is in one's mental process it might be hard to know. So you get into your body; that's where meditation again becomes very helpful. Most meditation practices are body-oriented. You feel your body and feel what's going on, sensations in your breathing, and so on; you start getting tuned in, start to get a little more sensitive to what's going on here. Because the body is kind of like a biofeedback system. Check into your body. Notice how you're feeling, what you're sensing. Maybe you don't feel anything. Maybe you're numb or just blank; it's certainly possible. So just be blank, be numb. Be whatever it is. Just allow that.

The truth is, your particular doorway is whatever's here right now. That's actually very difficult for the mind to grok, to comprehend. It really is. I only say that from experience, not because I believe it. I don't, I'm not into belief. It's not my thing. I don't recommend it! Belief is just another bag of stuff—it's useful if it gets you in the door, onto your cushion, whatever. But the truth of your experience is in front of you. Can you find it?

Can you sit in front of the doorway of not knowing? That's what we call readiness. Readiness is actually the realization that we can't escape anymore, that we can't avoid it anymore. That's readiness. No blame, no shame. That's all. And you know if you're ready, because you show up. You show up regardless of how you feel. You sit down and you pay attention, regardless of what's present. Whether you want to or don't want to is irrelevant. You give yourself to this moment: this too, this too, whatever it is. The traffic jam. The resentment at work. Whatever. There're a million things, right? It’s endless. Whatever it is that we push away, run from, grab onto. Anything in that category is fair game. So this really means that each moment is an opportunity for practice, for awakening, for seeing it as it is; that's all that's required. That's what it means, "no attainment."

We're so attainment-conditioned. We are conditioned to achieve, to produce. So it's a little weird to talk about this, because the mind doesn't understand how it's possible. But does the mind understand how it's possible that you can stick a seed in the ground, and eventually have something grow? There's no difference. And we are that seed; the truth of what we are is that seed, and it will sprout and it will grow, all by itself. We just have to learn to water it, and give it sun, and the right earth, and it does it! That's what it means, "no attainment."

No one is excluded from liberation. It has nothing to do with worthiness or anything like that. It only has to do with readiness. That's all. Of course, it takes a lot of courage to face what is in any moment, doesn't it? It's easier to hide. It seems easier to hide. But that's survival. Ultimately, when it's no longer easier to hide, you're ready. When hiding becomes more difficult than facing what is, you know you're ready. That's all. Then you just put yourself in the saddle and let the bronco kick. That's all. Ride that bronco. Or that magic carpet; whatever your preferred mode of travel is!

It's really very strange to talk about something that's really the simplest thing there is, yet which is actually unspeakable. But it seems to be a human quality to talk; we like talking. So, feel free to speak up if you want to; raise your hand, however you want to do it. Yeah! Hi.

Q. What is the role of relationship in the spiritual path?

Jon: Life is relationship everywhere, whether with lovers, friends, what have you. So if you're committed to your own spiritual path, and you're in relationship, how do you relate to that, how do you deal with that? I think that intimate relationship is a great mirror. In fact it's often the most difficult mirror; the people closest to you, whether your lover, or your mother, father, brother, sister... It's with people who are very close that we often become the most defended. Initially you may be in love, and it's all groovy and everything. But eventually, you know, the defenses go up. And that's a great opportunity!

Now it's not about putting the relationship onto some altar and then offering incense, or something like that, turning it into a ceremony; it's about being available to the rawness of it. The heat of it. The sharpness of it. And obviously the pleasure of it too! But it's a very intense field to work in. And that's probably why so many spiritual types over the centuries have been celibate—because in some ways it's easier not to have to deal with somebody else that closely. Right? But if you're in relationship, if you're involved with somebody, closely, then it can be a real opportunity.

As you let go of what is, as you allow what is, relationship is just what it is. It works, it doesn't work. It's a bumpy road, it's a smooth road. Whatever! You stay with it, you don't stay with it. Or you wonder whether you're going to stay with it. But it's another mirror. As you're deepening into presence, now, your partner may or may not be aware of that. That may not be their thing. Or maybe it is. Personally I don't think it matters. I think ultimately we find that another person's journey is really their business, not our business. And that's really what I mean by acceptance. And then it's a very powerful place to be, in relationship. Because then you really get to see where you try to make it your business. And that can be very liberating; that can be a real, fast, hot fire.

It's not so easy, though. And it usually requires the willingness to grieve, and the ability to really feel powerful emotions. Because when we're bonding with another human being, that's a very deep physical attachment. And if we're dealing with the freeing of attachment, we're dealing with a very deep level of instinct, and it's very powerful. The same is true with parents and children; it becomes a very, very powerful area to work, because it's so instinctual, it's in your cells. You know what I'm saying?

So I don't think one should be saying of relationship, "I should be above that." I think the attitude should be more like...dive in! Dive in, it's a really powerful field. It's a very interesting area to work with, and often it's avoided, or messed with. But I think it can be a really great area for cultivating one's own recognition of truth; and then, ultimately, you'll see the person as pure beingness.

It's like that old saying: when a pickpocket bumps into a saint, all he sees are his pockets. So, how does your lover look? What are you seeing? And then take the projection back, and be honest about it. That's hot work, hot meaning it's a little intense. But it's quick, very quick. Quick in the sense that it's probably the fastest way of letting go; letting go of our attachment and need for somebody to be a certain way. That is suffering. Big time.

You accept your partner; you accept them as they are. Or do they need to change, do they need to improve? And is it any different for ourselves? See, that's my point. It's all relationship, whether it's somebody out there, or with moi. It's the same dynamic; it's identical. So if you're not in relationship then the game is, I need to change. I need to improve, I need to be enlightened, I need to be free of suffering. I need to be fixed. I need to be figured out. I need to be understood Same thing!

So ultimately it's not out there. That's why it's a mirror. It's not so easy to look in the mirror, is it? Can you look in the mirror and see nothing? Can you look in the mirror and be at peace?

We're always getting feedback. Always, every moment; this moment. Not just when you're following your breath, or doing your mantra, your visualization, whatever. When you're cursing in the middle of a traffic jam, or at your partner—that's when paying attention becomes very useful. You can stop in the moment, and really let it in. And you see that it hurts to contract in that way, to resist what is. Resisting what is really hurts, doesn't it? When you can grieve the loss of the way it isn't, or the way your partner isn't, then you're on your way to freedom. That's all that's required. It's not that they have to change; when you can grieve the loss of what you didn't get, that's where transformation happens.

I'm talking about relationship, about someone who didn't meet your expectations. I was playing on that theme. When you can grieve that, and then fully let go, then the heart opens, and acceptance is what is. And forgiveness, too, that's when forgiveness is present. Forgiveness isn't just something you laminate onto yourself, onto your attitude. It's not a lamination job! It's really the essence of the deepest clearing; when there's nothing left, then forgiveness is. Just like acceptance; there's no difference.

Ultimately we can face everything. That's what readiness really means; it's the ability to face anything, ultimately. And learning how, that's really the art of compassion; it's learning how to become available to our deepest grief, our deepest disappointment or our most profound terror, or rage. I'm not talking about acting out, I'm talking about allowing that deep energetic movement to be freed, rather than held in. That's why people like us discovered things like meditation and yoga and tai chi and qigong; all these practices turn our bodies into lightning rods for energy. We can begin to see that we are one with mother Earth, and we can utilize that power and strength of support, which we need to be able to let go of our grief and our fear and our anger—our protection, at all its levels.

So that's why we invented these practices, spiritual practices so-called. And that's why meditation—sitting still, which we did when we started tonight—it's actually very simple, but also very powerful, and very profound. It's a very powerful practice, actually, to sit still. Obviously! Look around. Is there anything slowing down around us in this culture? It doesn't look like it; actually it looks like it's faster and faster. Just getting to a four-way intersection is often an extraordinary event, I find. Who's going to go through the intersection first, and who's going to run the light? It's like the Indianapolis 500 just going to the grocery store.

So stopping is a very yogically powerful event, and not to be taken lightly. It does work, though, if you learn how to utilize the technology. These tools can be very, very useful, so it's really worth it to learn how to use them well.